There is a great article on Macleans.ca titled "The powerlessness of positive thinking - Self-affirming statements actually make some people feel worse". The article presents research supporting the thesis that positive thinking is not as effective in improving self-esteem as some popular self-help authors would like readers to believe. I fully agree with the researchers that "focusing on positive thinking" is not the way to increase self-esteem or become happier. I believe that this is because a positive affirmation addresses the present, whereas the low esteem or tendency to think negatively is rooted in the past, usually the deep past.
Personally I've seen my self-esteem increase with the use of PBSP, about which I've written in an earlier post. And I believe that the reason PBSP works is precisely because it deals with self-esteem or negative thinking at the time when the roots of the issues begin - usually between the ages of 0-3.
Returning to the article, I do not agree with the researchers' statement that "...if you can find a loving, supportive partner that’s probably the best possibility for your self-esteem". In fact, I think that's a bit of a dangerous statement because that would make one's self esteem conditional on something, or someone, else. And like happiness, I believe you can't have self-esteem dependent on anything outside of yourself. In addition, increased self-esteem because of a partner could also lead to all kinds of co-dependency issues in a relationship, as per the Drama Triangle, also discussed in an earlier post.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
I'll be on a fully off-line vacation until July 5
Just a brief note that I will be on vacation from tomorrow until July 5. Since I firmly believe that vacation should be fully off-line, I will not make any posts until I return. In the meantime I would like to encourage you to have as much off-line time as possible (no Internet, cell phones...), even if it's just for a few hours on a Sunday. Have a great June and I'll look forward to posting more happiness and joy inspiration in early July.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Release energy by exiting roles in the Drama Triangle
One of the biggest ways through which we lose energy in our life is by playing different kinds of roles, oftentimes unconsciously. And one of the best tools for releasing ourselves from such role playing and freeing up tons of energy is the Drama Triangle.
Originally created by the psychotherapist Stephen Karpman, the Drama Triangle describes dysfunction that we frequently fall into in our relationships by playing the roles of Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer. Most of us have a tendency to gravitate towards one of these roles, but at one point or another we play them all. (Btw, we can also play these roles in the relationship we have with ourselves).
There are many good descriptions on the Internet of how the triangle works, with my favourite being this one. Most importantly, the site provides not only a good overview of how the triangle dynamic works, but also talks about how to avoid getting into it and how to get out of it once we recognize that we are in it. Recognizing when we are playing one of the roles is the first and most important step.
The book called "The Power of TED" also has a very interesting section on the triangle, calling it the Dreaded Drama Triangle. The author, David Emerald, offers a slightly different approach to getting out of the triangle, so you may wish to check that out as well. If you prefer a video seminar approach, there are also several videos on YouTube that you can find by simply searching for "Drama Triangle".
Originally created by the psychotherapist Stephen Karpman, the Drama Triangle describes dysfunction that we frequently fall into in our relationships by playing the roles of Victim, Persecutor or Rescuer. Most of us have a tendency to gravitate towards one of these roles, but at one point or another we play them all. (Btw, we can also play these roles in the relationship we have with ourselves).
There are many good descriptions on the Internet of how the triangle works, with my favourite being this one. Most importantly, the site provides not only a good overview of how the triangle dynamic works, but also talks about how to avoid getting into it and how to get out of it once we recognize that we are in it. Recognizing when we are playing one of the roles is the first and most important step.
The book called "The Power of TED" also has a very interesting section on the triangle, calling it the Dreaded Drama Triangle. The author, David Emerald, offers a slightly different approach to getting out of the triangle, so you may wish to check that out as well. If you prefer a video seminar approach, there are also several videos on YouTube that you can find by simply searching for "Drama Triangle".
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Restructure your body with Rolfing Structural Integration
A well functioning body can be a great help on our happiness journey, and one of the most beneficial things I've ever had done to my body is Rolfing Structural Integration, or "Rolfing" for short. I've had at least 15 Rolfing sessions and I am still amazed at the results. I am not sure how many of you have ever heard of Rolfing, so here is a short description from the official website of the Rolf Institute:
"Rolfing is ... a form of bodywork that reorganizes the connective tissues, called fascia, that permeate the entire body. More than fifty years ago, Dr. Rolf recognized that the body is inherently a system of seamless networks of tissues rather than a collection of separate parts. These connective tissues surround, support and penetrate all of the muscles, bones, nerves and organs. Rolfing works on this web-like complex of connective tissues to release, realign and balance the whole body. Essentially, the Rolfing process enables the body to regain the natural integrity of its form, thus enhancing postural efficiency and your freedom of movement."
So if you feel that your body could use some complete restructuring, head on over to the Rolfing Institute's website, read some more about this technique, and, if you're beginning to feel like it may be something for you, use the "Find a Rolfer" feature and book an introductory session. Your body just may thank you :-)
"Rolfing is ... a form of bodywork that reorganizes the connective tissues, called fascia, that permeate the entire body. More than fifty years ago, Dr. Rolf recognized that the body is inherently a system of seamless networks of tissues rather than a collection of separate parts. These connective tissues surround, support and penetrate all of the muscles, bones, nerves and organs. Rolfing works on this web-like complex of connective tissues to release, realign and balance the whole body. Essentially, the Rolfing process enables the body to regain the natural integrity of its form, thus enhancing postural efficiency and your freedom of movement."
So if you feel that your body could use some complete restructuring, head on over to the Rolfing Institute's website, read some more about this technique, and, if you're beginning to feel like it may be something for you, use the "Find a Rolfer" feature and book an introductory session. Your body just may thank you :-)
Monday, June 1, 2009
Addiction to comfort in the Western Society
I really believe that one of the biggest addictions of modern Western Society is what I call "addiction to comfort". I also believe that this addiction is one of the blocks that prevents us from being as happy as we could be.
Just consider the comfort humans have had throughout history in comparison to the comfort we are experiencing in our lives today. We have food, water, heat, dry clothes, means of communication, transportation, entertainment, etc., at our finger tips basically all the time. Then consider how irritated we get when something from that list does not work the way we think it should . I think anyone who lived even only a hundred years ago would have a good laugh at some of the things we call problems today.
In my opinion the best first step towards releasing ourselves from this addiction is to start being aware of it. Then there are also conscious practices we can do in order to begin learning how to relax in situations that are not that comfortable for us. One of the best practices for doing this is fasting. If we can remain relaxed and comfortable while hungry, it will carry over to other aspects of our lives. Another great practice is taking a cold shower every day, ideally in the morning and evening. Again, if we can learn to relax in the cold shower, this will expand our comfort zone for discomfort. A third tip is leaving the car at home and walking to where we want to go whenever possible. I am sure you can also come up with many practices of your own.
I wish you success in your efforts to become more comfortable with being less comfortable :-)
-----
One note on fasting. Even though it is a very beneficial practice for many reasons, it is not for everyone. There are many good sites on the Internet about fasting, which I highly recommend checking out before beginning a fast. Also, if you have any doubts about whether fasting is for you, speak to your doctor first. And finally, never do a fast for weight loss purposes -- it is not a sustainable way of keeping weight down!
Just consider the comfort humans have had throughout history in comparison to the comfort we are experiencing in our lives today. We have food, water, heat, dry clothes, means of communication, transportation, entertainment, etc., at our finger tips basically all the time. Then consider how irritated we get when something from that list does not work the way we think it should . I think anyone who lived even only a hundred years ago would have a good laugh at some of the things we call problems today.
In my opinion the best first step towards releasing ourselves from this addiction is to start being aware of it. Then there are also conscious practices we can do in order to begin learning how to relax in situations that are not that comfortable for us. One of the best practices for doing this is fasting. If we can remain relaxed and comfortable while hungry, it will carry over to other aspects of our lives. Another great practice is taking a cold shower every day, ideally in the morning and evening. Again, if we can learn to relax in the cold shower, this will expand our comfort zone for discomfort. A third tip is leaving the car at home and walking to where we want to go whenever possible. I am sure you can also come up with many practices of your own.
I wish you success in your efforts to become more comfortable with being less comfortable :-)
-----
One note on fasting. Even though it is a very beneficial practice for many reasons, it is not for everyone. There are many good sites on the Internet about fasting, which I highly recommend checking out before beginning a fast. Also, if you have any doubts about whether fasting is for you, speak to your doctor first. And finally, never do a fast for weight loss purposes -- it is not a sustainable way of keeping weight down!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
A scientific look at the top 10 recommendations for happiness in New Age books
In an interesting twist, in September 2008 the Journal of Happiness Studies took a scientific look at the top 10 recommendations provided in New Age books for increasing happiness. In an article called New age advice: ticket to happiness?, which you can download for free from their site here, the author -- Maarten C. Berg -- first presents the top ten list. To save you time, here are the recommendations, in no particular order:
- Become spiritual
- Be authentic
- Know yourself
- Connect to the world
- Meditate
- Think positively
- Take control
- Live healthily
- Live simply
- Follow your gut feelings
Next, the author "considers the probable effects on happiness of these, by examining both the theoretical plausibility and the empirical conditions of happiness."
And finally, the author concludes that "that several recommendations are likely to produce beneficial consequences...", but "...the advice will not fit everybody equally well and that some New Age practices may reduce happiness, e.g., practices that undermine a realistic outlook on reality."
So quite an interesting endeavour, in my opinion. And, btw, is your gut telling you that focusing on one or more recommendations on the list could be beneficial for you?
Friday, May 29, 2009
The magic of Daniel Chesterfield
It's Friday, so something from the "Lighter side" category today. You may know the magic of David Copperfield, but do you know the magic of Daniel Chesterfield?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)